INDEX: This section gives the descriptions of each section on CPC. You can also view the section's description by hovering the mouse over a section's graphical link.LIVING WITH CP: This section gives my personal experiences on how I love with my own CP. Many of you who are disabled will probably find much of this section's content familiar.TYPES OF CP: This section explains the common types of CP and their classifications based on how they can affect the body.EMAIL DATABASE: This database is the very heart and sole of CPC. It allows people with CP, both young and old, to communicate with each other and share experiences or advice.CPC DIRECTORY: This section is a list of links around the web where you might find other useful information on CP and other disability related content.DISABILITY BULLETIN: This section allows people to post disability related questions to other visitors on the site; announce medical studies; any other information not associated with any current section on the CPC site.ADA LAWS: This section is a copy of the Americans with Disabilities Act information site. It contains the guidelines concerning the Americans with disabilities rights, fairness, and public access.AGING AND CP: This section is a report on how the aging process can affect a body with CP. This should be a must read for all visitors to the site. I will continue to add to this report as new information becomes available.DISABILITY WORKPLACE: This section can be used as a tool to help aid a disabled individual looking for a job. You might be surprised at what some of the experts say about how to approach the job market when you are disabled.
HOW SSI WORKS: This section will aid you in finding out if you qualify for Supplemental Security Income. These rules and regulations are plentiful. CPC strongly recommends you view this section before perusing the SSI route.MEDICAL NEEDS: This section lists online companies where you can purchase medical supplies and equipment. Ordering what you need online offers privacy, convince, and very often cheaper then purchasing from brick and mortar stores.DISABILITY NEWS: This section allows you to keep up with the latest news and events around the US and the world related to the disability community. The section is updated constantly so please visit often.THERAPIES FOR CP: This section discusses some of the different treatments used to treat CP. Some of these include Physical/Occupational Therapy, HBO, TES, Biofeedback and others.AWARDS & WEBRINGS: This Section contains information about the many web rings CPC has joined and awards we have won. It also includes information on how to sign up for our very own web ring or award.FUN STUFF: Occasionally I like to have a little fun on the web. Here you will find information about my hobbies and my many collections of items. This portion of the site is not directly related to CPC. Its just for fun :o)CONTACT CPC: This section allows you to communicate with CPC is several ways including email, ICQ, and out guest book.RECENT UPDATES: This section can be used to find out what changes have been made since you last visited CPC. This page is always updated when CPC is updated no matter how small the update.CAUSE SUPPORT: This section tries to help disabled individuals by supporting several causes that actively promote the awareness and fair treatment of those with disabilities.
 SHARE A STORY: This section allows people to share their stories (both good and bad) about living with CP. This is a completely anonymous Section (at your discretion) so that you need not fear people finding out who you are if that is your choice. The Vent Success Stories HELP: If you are not sure how to use CPC's menu system, click here to get a graphical description on how to use our menu system.Pages
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A love that cannot be

I l live in the north east part of the country and I have CP. What I'm about to say is not a venting of frustration about Cerebral Palsy, but venting of frustrations on relationships with someone that has Cerebral Palsy. This is rather lengthy, but I do have a lot to say :o).

Back in late last year while surfing the web I came across a group of people in a CP related chat room.  It felt good to be able to talk to others with CP and parents as well.  I never expected however that I would fall in love with a person from this group.  We instantly hit it off and began talking literally every day, sometimes for 5 hours straight.

After months of talking to this person I finally realized that this was the type of person I hope to merry someday-a person that loved me for who I was and not what I was. They were the most kindest, gentleness, and caring person in the whole wide world to me and that's what I wanted for the rest of my life.

Now don't get me wrong, I just didn't want to find out where the lived and pop up out of the blue and say "WILL YOU MARRY ME."  I knew that I still had to get to know this person and especially meet this person before I ever purposed anything.  The thing about meeting someone on the internet is that you never know if your talking to a guy or a girl, kid or adult, axe murder of something like that. So I knew I had to do that much first. And being that I had never spent any real in person time with them, I still wasn't sure if this was what I really wanted.

After months and months of talking on line, the conversations got serious.  Even though I had never herd or seen this person before in my life, I knew that they were the one I wanted in a relationship. Just the way they treated me online was enough to get my heart pounding for them.  Finally after a number of anxious months we agreed that we should talk on the phone.  This was weird for me because I had never given by phone number to anyone on line before, I just didn't know what to expect at all. I still remember the first words they ever told me on the phone. - "Hi [xyz], what have you been doing?"

I know that doesn't sound like much of a starting conversation for someone I fell completely in love with, but those words I will never ever forget.  First time I herd their voice I got chills all over my body.    In fact my hand that wasn't holding the phone was starting to spaz out from excitement.  Their voice sounded just like I thought it would. It felt so wonderful to finally place a voice with the person's conversations and scanned pictures we had been passing to each other for at least three months before.

Conversations on the phone at least twice a week and literally every day online for nearly hours on end finally lead up to that moment that I told them I was in love with them.  I was never planning on telling this person that I really loved them because I felt that a long distance relationship might be hard on us - and what if they didn't feel the same way?  I would have been extremely embarrassed then. They were really hurting about something happening that day and I was really concerned for them, but they would not confide in me what was bothering them so much.  So I finally decided that maybe if I told them something that I had planned to keep a secrete, they might feel confident enough to tell me what was really bothering them.  So I did.  To my surprise, they said that they had also falling for me as well.  What had been bothering them so much is simply for the fact that we had never met in person and that we were clear on opposite sides of the country.  If we stated a relationship long distance or actually got together would it ever really work?

Well confiding in them my feelings worked well for both of us I thought.  We both began to be more open about our thoughts and feelings on everything you can think of, but especially those concerning us.    I still remember the first time they told me they loved me over the phone.   I can't describe to you the feelings I had at that one moment - kinda like I saw the world as being perfect now.  Well we both said things from time to time that would cause us to hurt the other but we always talk through it promptly and never tried to dwell on things. Although believe me, I did a really lousy job on the dwelling part because I was always concerned with what this person they thought of me as.  I did not what to do anything that would make this person think any differently of me, I loved them way too much.

One of the things we had to work though was because of me.  I had begun talking  to other on line a lot just like I had started with this person.  They had begun to think that my loved I confessed to them a little more then two months before was starting to waiver because I spent a lot more time with other people as.  Believe me, I may have spent a lot of time talking to these other people, but my mind was and is always on this person I confused my love to.

Well not to long ago we finally decided to meet one another. For me, I needed this very badly - to finally place a real face with this person and not just the voice and a couple of scanned pictures.  On my way up to see them for the very first time, I was extremely nervous.  Again, you meet people and the internet and you never know what your getting yourself into sometimes.    I remember the first time I saw their face, I was truly in love now :o)  

Sometime time before we had both talked about it constantly how wonderful it would be if we could always be together and that included marriage.  Although we both talked about it, I was a little more nervous then they were. Not for the fact that I didn't know what I wanted, but for the fact that I was in position of finishing up my higher education and I didn't make enough money to support both of us.  I didn't want to be responsible for putting us out on the street if we decided to live together.

Anyway, I never told them this, but the moment we first laid eyes on one another and hugged each other, I knew I was truly in love.  But I will tell you all this - The first time we kissed, I KNEW I wanted to spend the rest of my life with them.  You know when you were growing up your parents always would tell you that you would just know it when the right person came along that you were meant to spend the rest of your life with.  This is how I felt a thousand times over.  I had a very wonderful time together.  The whole time we were together I wanted to ask them to marry me, but I knew I shouldn't because of school and everything.

Well I'm sad to say that we finally went our separate ways.  Having to say goodbye only after a few days of being with one another was very very very very hard.  The only time in my life were I felt worse then that moment they pulled away in the car was the time my grandfather died. Needless to say I have cried my heart out every night since they left. I don't know what will happen next, but it looks as though we will never be together and married. However, for some reason or another I still feel a glimmer of hope, don't ask me why.  Even though we haven't talked as much as we usually do, I still have feelings for this person I cannot begin to describe.

I love this person with all my heart and soul, and when I told them that I swear I meant every word of it.  People that know me say I shouldn't hold out on anything happening, but I am still going to wait.    I love this person with all my heart and I want to marry them, be happy and raise a wonderful family- and I want it to be with this person. Everyone says I shouldn't, but I am going to wait to see how things go.  I have never been more sure of who I want to spend the rest of my life with then I am at this very moment.

And if this person is out there, I want you to know that I'm willing to wait forever or how ever long it takes.  If for some reason its doomed not to happen between us, then I'm slated to spend the rest of my life by myself and that is what will happen. I want things to work out for this person and I truly hope for the best, but if for some reason things don't work out as they plan, I want them to know Ill will drop everything and come running, I swear.

I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND I ALWAYS WILL